Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
