His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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