You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
