broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize