remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
