Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You may now shotgun with the bride
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
