it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
