her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Im part way to drunk.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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