Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just had sex on a roof
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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