Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
