Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize