his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
