i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
