I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
where are my eyebrows?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
