What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
