whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
