No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
