If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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