So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
