Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
