no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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