the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
