btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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