I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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