Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
