Dual....:-)
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
