I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
