Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
