he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
