My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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