There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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