Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
