His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
