I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
