Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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