since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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