brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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