Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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