Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
