I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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