make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
