Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He felt like a one man threesome
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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