Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
