Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
