he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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