I cockslap morals
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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