before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i need some magic done to my vagina
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
