When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish i was in the wii world.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
