Plan B is the new Plan A
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
