____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
