I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
