Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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