I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I am naked and annoyed.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
