its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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