a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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