I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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