I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i now understand why vodka
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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