whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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