I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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