I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
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He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
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Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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