I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
