im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think I died a long time ago.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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