didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
