i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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