I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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