you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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