why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I need to wash the frat house off of me
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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