ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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